“WOW”. Amazing how many times that word has left my lips in the last week!! I am so excited and grateful for all the universe is sending my way these days! Who would have thought that a deteriorating relationship resulting in my relocation would bring me so much clarity and deliver so many new tools to apply into my journey?
I am learning to rejoice in what may appear to be a snag, and keep an attitude of gratitude no matter what the situation may seem to be. Rejoice over having a broken down truck on the way to look at a new room-mate situation? C’mon really? Who does that? I do. Because of a disabled vehicle, so many opportunities have revealed themselves to me. I found a room, an avenue to work on a wonderful child empowerment project, gained a life coach and accountability partner, and am a part of a dynamic, talented family! Gratitude at this level of intensity has no nomenclature.. it just is. So be it!
Wow. Here I find myself, through choices only I could make, with yet another situation I must figure out how to deal with. If only I had not been in such a fearful place, in such a frantic push for survival eighteen months ago, I know I would have chosen a different path to today. However, the ramifications of my decisions are my problem alone. Alone is not bad. It’s just alone, and I’m not exactly sure how to behave within its parameters yet.
I am in a very fragile place. I cried today, for the first time in quite a while. I am not stressed out, but there are periods of anxiety. I accomplished many things this weekend, including a two-day yard sale which netted me $0 after vehicle repairs. At least I paid for the repairs without touching my divorce budget, or my regular monthly income. I now must buy insurance and transfer the truck into my name tomorrow. How I am going to get there is another story. Once upon another lifetime, I would have just taken my truck – balls to the wall – and gone the 5 miles to get it done… suffer the consequences if I got pulled over. But at this stage of my life, I know suffering. I don’t want to submit to any more of it than is absolutely unavoidable.
I have to move. I don’t know when, because that changes in a matter of hours some days, and at least twice a week a new strategy is employed by my ex-boyfriend living 4′ outside my front door in a trailer. He has been gone this time nearly 7 weeks, but is not really gone. This is his apartment. He offered to rent it to me in May 2010, and then we became romantically involved and the living arrangements became shared, as well as the bills and budget. No lease or rental agreement was ever enacted, and I have paid the utilities for over a year (the only money he used to pay his mom toward said utilities was paid by me for the last year at least).
Ex boyfriend is a Bipolar Alcoholic. I know, I know… He was sober when I met him and on his medication. We got along so well. Nary an argument for over 5 months. Then, he started drinking again… and stopped taking his meds periodically. Still, for another month or so he held it together. Then, his self-loathing began to ooze out of him on to me. He began throwing fits, throwing things and throwing words. Accusations of having a crush on his best friend, and more recently his brother have come my way. He blames any and every thing else in the world for his issues, and takes no responsibility for his behavior. He has become irrational, and infantile. He is attempting to flip my most painful triggers in order to get some kind of emotional response from me, which I will not give him. I can no longer allow his choices to affect my life. I am better than this.. and I have to take care of myself.
So a few days ago, ex comes in to my house (which he constantly does without knocking – availing himself of water/coffee/shower/bathroom whenever he so pleases) and says – “I need for you to start looking for another place to live. I can’t move on with my life with you living here, and my sponsor :cough cough: says that I should give you 60 days to leave. I say, ok… I’ll try, but I would like to harvest all my veggies in the garden (I dug and fenced the whole thing myself). “Well, you will just have to come back for them. I would like you out as soon as possible” he says. Well, his brother, sister and him own this property in Trust, and they do not want me to move. In fact, they refuse to sign an eviction. I told him, “look, I will move, even though you told me I could stay just last week and pay rent. But I will not be run out of my home. I pulled my weight. I need time to save for a deposit, and fix my truck”. He went off. I told him his siblings would not let him kick me out. He freaked and called the civil division of the local sheriff, telling them he was “the caretaker” of the property and wanting to know how to get me out. (this is just a lie)
He came in with a receipt… a tiny receipt and told me to “sign this”. I said “what is it?”. “Your eviction” says he. I would not sign a 10 day eviction notice on a receipt when there is no lease agreement. He bluffed it up to 30 days… “sign”. “nope”…. and he walked out. Next day, “I love you please dont’ leave”. NO EXBF – not being held hostage romantically for a place to live. So tomorrow is my payday. He paid his mom this month… and will not discuss what my portion will be. I am assuming he wants me out, so I pay nothing if I hear no more about it. I will save the money for my own place – elsewhere. I refuse to live like this. I have way too much going for me to take this shit.
The first thing I want to do with this post is say thank you!! Thank all of you who participated, donated prizes, and helped me destash yarn for helping me get to a place financially where I can at least see a Modest Means Attorney, and ask the judge to defer the filing fee (let me pay on a payment plan). I will never forget the kindness of those of you who generously gave of yourselves. It will not go unrewarded by the universe!!
Without further ado I put everyone’s name on a spreadsheet when they sent in their gift, assigning numbers in order as the donations came in. Some people gave more and therefore had more odds of winning more than one prize. Then I took the total number of participants, plugged it into Random.Org and kept letting it give me numbers… throwing out the duplicates… thereby giving me the winners associated with those numbers below:
#1 – Krysta
#2 – Kathleenspins
#3 – Krysta
#4 – Fiberjewels
#5 – Linda
#6 – MonkeyButtons
#7 – Kathleenspins
#8 – Kathleenspin
#9 – Emcbets
#10 – FiberJewels
#11 – Cyn557
#12 – Emcbets
#13 – Emcbets
#14 – Linda
#15 – Cyn557
Ok….. now the prize picking goes like this… #1 winner gets first choice and so on. Since I previously asked you all to send me your first three wishes…. I have prizes assigned to the first 5 winners. MonkeyButtons – I’m sending you an email to get your choices… and you need to respond in the next couple of days, or you will lose your ability to get one of your first choices. I will contact those of you who need to choose beyond your first three after that. As I said in the original post — I will have these prizes sent out by the 15th.. as long as I receive all the information I need to do so by then.
Again – thank you all so much, and I hope you enjoy your prizes!!
July 26th -Last week of the raffle, and I am so humbled by this experience.
Fund has reached $200!!
I must say I’m getting pretty excited about finding out the winning numbers, packing up and mailing out prizes. I hope everyone that wins is gets one of their top 3 choices for a prize!!
On the bright side… I’m getting all my belongings sorted through, and am quite close to getting the yard sale underway. Lots of cleaning and organizing has gotten done.
I have contacted a Modest Means Attorney, who thinks we may be able to do this with very few $80 Lawyer Hours, and a small consultation fee of $35. I will still need to come up with the filing fee ($400) but we are getting there, and I am encouraged by all of you who have donated, participated, and been supportive in so many ways! I appreciated every kind word, message, and phone call as well. I really do know some wonderful, supportive people – and some of you are supportive even though you don’t know me and that restores my faith in humanity somewhat,.
So… since the response to my flailing attempt to raise funds has been sparse. I guess it’s like, “Hey, we all got problems.. why should we help YOU?” I figure I should provide a reason or few, as to why:
- You have 16 chances to win with one $5 entry.
- I am on Social Security, and if I could take a job to get this done I would.. really I promise you I would.
- My monthly income on said disability is a lousy $14 more than I could make to get Legal Aid.
- I have tried to get Pro Bono attorney assistance to no avail.
- I am destashing on Ravelry as well, and did so last month to buy most of the prizes on the raffle. No response whatsoever to my current destash post and I lowered prices.
- I am also going through (what’s left of it) my belongings this month and holding a Yard Sale.
I’m really trying people. I’m busting my butt, and “things” just keep happening to set me back.. all vehicles in my household are currently broken, bills that I didn’t know exhole made are showing up, bank accounts are frozen… yada yada yada. I’m not just asking for a handout here – I’m offering prizes…
I’m trying not to get discouraged, but its a tough cookie to eat. Yes, I know I made this mess… I just need to start fixing the problems I created one at a time, and this one takes priority over all the rest.
Check out this great contest to win one of two Knitting related books.. and this is a great blog as well!! Check post title “Zombie Alert”
I am holding a fundraiser/raffle with prizes to fund my divorce. Previous posts will explain how I made this mess. A fellow Ravelry.com member hosted such a raffle to help with her foreclosure and was successful, so I thought I would give this a try~~
There are 16 Prize Packages. Each is worth between $30 and $60 retail. Most packages have been made from my yarn/book stash. I also have had donations of prizes from kind individuals and businesses, and will list the donors with the prizes where applicable.
Winners will be chosen by random number generator on August 1st. Numbers are assigned on my google spreadsheet as entries come in. Please leave me a way to contact you should you win. Winners will also be posted on this blog and will have 3 days to respond or their prize will be sent to the next winner on the list. Entries cost $5, packages will be assigned as follows: Winner #1 will get first package choice, Winner #2 second – and so on. One $5 increment equals an entry .
One $5 increment equals an entry .
Update - My attempt to do this via Chip-in has resulted in yet another adaptation… I cannot link my PayPal account to a bank account that does not belong to me, and currently am working to pay off negative balances due to “exhole” emptying and abusing joint accounts. As of now, I cannot accept Chip-in donations without a “verified” Paypal account, but I can receive funds for Gifts, goods and services straight to Paypal… Therefore, the way to donate has changed as follows:
To enter, submit your donations to my Paypal account: Indulgence420@yahoo.com. Use the box “Gift” under the “Personal” tab, and in the notes section please annotate your 3 favorite prize packages, should you win.
Response has been so amazing and people have been so kind, as of this weekend 7/16/2011 through the end of the contest, I would like to offer an additonal way to enter… I’m aware that not everyone has an extra $5 to just donate to my cause, but some of you may know someone who is. Therefore, if you refer anyone who makes a cash funded entry, and they annotate your name in the “notes” section of their PayPal payment – YOU will also be entered FOR FREE!! This goes for previously entered contestants as well as those who have not been entered, or have been unable to contribute themselves. I want everyone possible to have a chance at these prizes!!
I appreciate you all so very much… and I will update this page with totals as entries come in right here.
Update – I am so excited!! This morning 7/12 – we crested the $100 mark!
Update for 7/16 – I can’t tell you all how honored I am that you are willing to extend a helping hand!! The kindness of individuals has touched my heart, and I will never forget that there are still those who are willing to reach out and grab my hand to boost me up the ladder I’m voraciously climbing to get out of this hole. Today the fund is up to nearly $150!!
Update 7/17 – Over the $150 mark (via destash) come to Ravelry.com if you want to help me destash.. (Ravname: Indulgence)I’m saying goodbye to the yarns that I have no time to give attention to in the near future, and sacrificing some things to ease my conscience asking you all to give of yourselves. I have plenty of yarn to keep me knitting forever (well, not forever – but for quite a while), and I can always trade to replace anything I find I really did need, or wait until I can afford it again.
NOTE: From today 7/23 to the end of the contest, all orders on my Ravelry.com destash over $5 will be shipped free to US addresses, AND all orders over $10 will be 20% off!!
This will get done – I will be free from this jerk, and I will continue to move forward in my life. Yes, it’s a pretty big obstacle to get around on the road of my life, but that’s why I drive a 4×4 right? (when it runs anyway :smiling:
I have a goal of $1k… that’s what it will cost to do this with an attorney – but if I can get the $400 it will take to file – I will make an attempt to “do it yourself”… I am stunned at the kindness and generosity of people. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Thank you all for the overwhelming response, I am truly grateful, and best of luck to all the entrants!!
I would greatly appreciate any sharing of this contest you might do with others… I can use all the help I can get, and they can WIN PRIZES! Post on your Facebook, share in your Ravelry groups… anything that will help me get out of the bed I made myself.
And now (Drum roll please…) the prizes!!!
Spinner's Package #1
“Sun Shinin'” Batt donated by Dingbattz on Etsy (3 1/8 oz.), 4 oz. Handpainted Wool Roving from Arizona, and a Tour De Fleece Orifice Hook handmade and donated by FiberJewels on Etsy
Sock Lovers Package
Handmade custom Project Bag donated by Kmessier on Ravelry (in colors of your choice – shipped separately), 2 sk JL Vinca Superwash Sock, 2 sk Knit Picks Imagination Handpainted Sock Yarn in “Seven Dwarves” colorway, 1 sk Wool ‘n Weave by Tracey Shuch Wool/Nylon Blend – 300 yards.
The Perfect Row Counter/Stitch Marker Set
Donated by FiberJewels on Etsy: The Perfect Row Counter/Stitch Marker Set in Black Onyx/Red Agate for needles up to Size 11, with bonus A-F Stitch Marker set for up to size 6 needles. This is truly the Perfect Row Counter, and I would love to have one with every project!!
Spinner's Love #2
Beautiful Art Batt from Atomheart on Etsy, and 100+ yards of Wool Pencil Roving
Blue Mutt Handspun
Beautiful Handspun by Blue Mutt’s Designs in “Violets”, 250 yds each skein.
Handspun, Sari Silk, and Yarnplay
1 skein Handspun yarn, Correspun Merino/Bamboo blend, 4oz/50 yd – Super Bulky~4-5WPI donated by Raggamuphinz on Etsy, with 2 balls Purple Sari Silk Recycled blend and Yarnplay Book
Closely Knit Book and 8 Sk Katia Diana
Closely Knit Book, and 8 skeins of Katia Diana
Tahki Cotton Classic - 7 skeins Bright Yellow
7 gorgeous sunny yellow skeins of Tahki (by Stacey Charles) Cotton Classic yarn, donated by AbbyNormal on Ravelry, perfect for a nice summery knit!
Romantic Style, Rowan Kid Classic, and MALABRIGO Lace
Romantic Style Book, 4 skeins Rowan Kid Classic, and a skein of Malbrigo Lace Baby Merino in Cosecha colorway donated by AbbyNormal on Ravelry
Crochet That Fits Book, 3 skeins of Cascade Quatro (one is caked)
Multi-talented Fiber Artist Package
For those of us that use hooks and sticks, here is a package! 9 skeins of Schenemyer Nomatta Balino, and the book Knitting Loves Crochet
Filatura Di Crosa Multicolor
This is such pretty yarn, I wish I could keep it! Offered is 6 skeins of Filatura Di Crosa Multicolor for your favorite Mohair-like project!
Rare Noro Hoto Pure Silk, and a little Lily
OK… who doesn’t love NORO?? Here are 8 skeins of Noro Hoto – Pure Silk (6 in Dark Blue, 2 in Pale Blue), and 2 skeins of Noro Lily Cotton in Aqua and a summer green.
10 skeins Katia Danubio
10 SKEINS!! Surely enough Danubio to make something special!
Vintage Phentex Sweater Kit and Bonus Ironstone
Here is a Vintage Phentex Mohair Sweater Kit with 4 patterns, and to spice it up – or just in case you see more than one pattern you love – 4 skeins of Ironstone Herb Garden to make the next one from!
Last but not least… this package contains 4 skeins of Joanne’s Sensations Licorice, and 4 skeins of Casual Boucle.
Note: I do reserve the right to add prize packages until the contest closes.. as some donations of prizes have not been received yet. So check back… there may be more!
I also would invite anyone with questions to comment here.. I will respond asap. I would also like to communicate with those participating my utmost gratitude for your assistance. I’m doing a Yard Sale this month, as well as destashing to collect as much toward this end as possible. I also have a broken truck, so I need to fund that with any leftover donations.
PLEASE leave me contact information with your donation/entry!! Email, FB page, Ravelry name… some way to get in touch with you to select your prizes, should one of your “top 3″ you sent with your entry should already be assigned.
Just a few “fine print” details: If you choose to participate, you are giving a gift toward my Divorce Fund. You are not receiving anything in return. After all donations/gifts are received, I will present those that donated prizes with a “thank-you gift”. Recipients will be chosen by a random drawing on August 1, 2011, they will be notified via the email address shown through their Paypal gift. Winners will also be posted to this blog. Winners will have 1 week to respond to request for a mailing address, if there is no response, an alternate winner will be chosen. Yarn prizes will be mailed by August 15th, with Delivery Confirmation.