Another New Chapter   Leave a comment

Wow.  Here I find myself, through choices only I could make, with yet another situation I must figure out how to deal with.  If only I had not been in such a fearful place, in such a frantic push for survival eighteen months ago, I know I would have chosen a different path to today.  However, the ramifications of my decisions are my problem alone.  Alone is not bad.  It’s just alone, and I’m not exactly sure how to behave within its parameters yet.

I am in a very fragile place.  I cried today, for the first time in quite a while.  I am not stressed out, but there are periods of anxiety.  I accomplished many things this weekend, including a two-day yard sale which netted me $0 after vehicle repairs.  At least I paid for the repairs without touching my divorce budget, or my regular monthly income.  I now must buy insurance and transfer the truck into my name tomorrow.  How I am going to get there is another story.  Once upon another lifetime, I would have just taken my truck – balls to the wall – and gone the 5 miles to get it done… suffer the consequences if I got pulled over.  But at this stage of my life, I know suffering.  I don’t want to submit to any more of it than is absolutely unavoidable.

I have to move.  I don’t know when, because that changes in a matter of hours some days, and at least twice a week a new strategy is employed by my ex-boyfriend living 4′ outside my front door in a trailer.  He has been gone this time nearly 7 weeks, but is not really gone.  This is his apartment.  He offered to rent it to me in May 2010, and then we became romantically involved and the living arrangements became shared, as well as the bills and budget.  No lease or rental agreement was ever enacted, and I have paid the utilities for over a year (the only money he used to pay his mom toward said utilities was paid by me for the last year at least). 

Ex boyfriend is a Bipolar Alcoholic.  I know, I know…   He was sober when I met him and on his medication.  We got along so well.  Nary an argument for over 5 months.  Then, he started drinking again… and stopped taking his meds periodically.  Still, for another month or so he held it together.  Then, his self-loathing began to ooze out of him on to me.  He began throwing fits, throwing things and throwing words.  Accusations of having a crush on his best friend, and more recently his brother have come my way.  He blames any and every thing else in the world for his issues, and takes no responsibility for his behavior.  He has become irrational, and infantile.  He is attempting to flip my most painful triggers in order to get some kind of emotional response from me, which I will not give him.  I can no longer allow his choices to affect my life.  I am better than this.. and I have to take care of myself.

So a few days ago, ex comes in to my house (which he constantly does without knocking – availing himself of water/coffee/shower/bathroom whenever he so pleases) and says – “I need for you to start looking for another place to live.  I can’t move on with my life with you living here, and my sponsor :cough cough: says that I should give you 60 days to leave.  I say, ok… I’ll try, but I would like to harvest all my veggies in the garden (I dug and fenced the whole thing myself).  “Well, you will just have to come back for them.  I would like you out as soon as possible” he says.  Well, his brother, sister and him own this property in Trust, and they do not want me to move.  In fact, they refuse to sign an eviction.  I told him, “look, I will move, even though you told me I could stay just last week and pay rent.  But I will not be run out of my home.  I pulled my weight.  I need time to save for a deposit, and fix my truck”.  He went off.  I told him his siblings would not let him kick me out.  He freaked and called the civil division of the local sheriff, telling them he was “the caretaker” of the property and wanting to know how to get me out. (this is just a lie)

He came in with a receipt… a tiny receipt and told me to “sign this”.  I said “what is it?”.  “Your eviction” says he.  I would not sign a 10 day eviction notice on a receipt when there is no lease agreement.  He bluffed it up to 30 days… “sign”.  “nope”…. and he walked out.  Next day, “I love you please dont’ leave”.  NO EXBF – not being held hostage romantically for a place to live.  So tomorrow is my payday.  He paid his mom this month… and will not discuss what my portion will be.  I am assuming he wants me out, so I pay nothing if I hear no more about it.  I will save the money for my own place – elsewhere.  I refuse to live like this.  I have way too much going for me to take this shit.







Posted August 16, 2011 by Connected Threads in Uncategorized

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